You are your child’s role model
This one is for the parents of teens with eating disorders. I want to help you as you learn how to support your teen. Elaine is our expert on everything teens.
Setting Boundaries
When I am in therapy sessions, one of the biggest things I hear from teens with eating disorders in North Carolina is that they need parents to be a safe space for them. Especially during events such as dinner. It is about having support and building safe spaces. This also means helping them as they develop boundaries for the rest of the family in relation to disordered eating. As a parent, you may have to take this on and walk alongside them as they navigate eating, relationships, and their eating disorder.
In regards to setting boundaries, this may mean no diet talk, food shaming, fat-shaming, or talking about what new diet this person is on, or that person's on. This can be really triggering for anyone with an eating disorder, especially adolescents or people new in recovery. So it's okay for you to set that boundary ahead of time. And it's crucial as the support to be modeling that for your child so they know that you will help them and provide a safe space. By doing this, you’re giving them permission to set healthy boundaries for themselves.
It is crucial for you to honor these boundaries
For example, it may not make sense for you to tell your mom, your daughter has an eating disorder. In fact, you may not be comfortable or want your family or your teen to talk about that. In order to support your teen around family members, you could instead say “, I'm raising a teenager, and this year as I’m reading about teenagers growth, I found it is really important to stay away from all this diet, culture stuff “. This may mean avoiding diet talk, talking about working off the meal, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Ultimately, what you’re trying to convey is that you want your teens to have the healthiest body image possible and to feel safe and supported in all environments. This can help set the stage for your relatives to not mention negative body talk or eating.
There isn’t a step-by-step guide for setting boundaries...
Whatever you have to do to make that a boundary is good. Something you can do is discuss how your teen wants to handle boundaries and eating. Start by partnering with your teen to discuss strategy. For example, you may discuss Thanksgiving dinner with your teen prior. You may be wondering if this is the time that I should make (insert dish). Honestly, just talk to them about it. Of course, make sure this is in a safe environment, or obviously, it might feel uncomfortable to talk about with everybody around. So I would talk to your son or daughter before dinner and ask how they want to handle it. And you might get some good feedback from them. Perhaps, they may want to eat dinner before or after the family eats. Whatever it is that you come up with, I'm confident that you and your family will be able to come up with a good solution.
What if you teens say they’re fine, they can handle it?
Your teen may say, “I'm not gonna struggle, I'm fine”. Well, as a parent you will likely know whether or not that is the case. Therefore, I would say treat it like any other meal. However, it is key to come up with a plan regardless, in case something changes. Therefore, even, if they don't eat the meal, come up with a plan with how you're going to handle that prior with family and with your teen if at all possible. Avoid addressing it at dinner.
Strategy and planning is key for eating disorders, anxiety, and panic attacks
The point of all this is that these issues are very stressful for everyone. With family showing up during meals, scheduling, cooking, and seeing family for the first time in a while, it can all be very stressful. Plus, you need to consider how your teens with eating disorders are feeling as they are working on recovery. So just being that solid support for them to come back to matters. As a parent, know that when we have a plan, this can alleviate a lot of anxiety around eating. This shows you’re already showing up as an ally.
If your child is panicked, just like I said, understand that it is stressful, not just for them, but for everyone. When one person is worried it creates a nature of anxiety for everyone around dinner. So come up with a plan with them beforehand, if they're prone to panic attacks, have a plan of what would work best for them typically, and try to implement that. Additionally, always have a backup plan if you need to leave the room with your son or daughter or if you need to give them space. Plan ahead, if you need to have people who are prepared to leave the room, whatever it takes to make your teen feel safer. Strategizing ahead of time on how to handle it at the moment can make everyone feel more comfortable even if the plan isn't exactly followed.
A word of wisdom as you move forward with family plans
One thing to strive for, if at all possible, is to try not to change plans. I'm thinking back to when I was a teenager. I remember I was so anxious, I had an eating disorder and I was stressed out about Thanksgiving. We ended up leaving a day later than we were going to leave. My parents ended up deciding we're gonna leave on Wednesday instead.
The issue wasn’t about leaving a day later. That didn't actually matter. But I freaked out because I was because I had so much stress. I felt I had so much riding on this thing and because teens with eating disorders are in a time where being more rigid with time feels safer. Like I felt very much as though I had this all planned out in my head. And now you're changing it all. And I think my parents are probably like, “Ollie like this isn't a big deal”. But to me, it was a huge deal and it was because of all of my anxiety about Thanksgiving.
Be patient with your teen
So if your kid is acting a little out of the ordinary right now know that that might also just be stress around the holiday or any family event. So try to muster as much love and patience as you can for your teen’s behavior. Even if that might seem really ridiculous to you. I know as parents you do this all the time. Just being parents, involves mustering patience and empathy, but continuing this support can go along way in connecting with your teen. We hope that that was helpful if you need further support please reach out to us and consider beginning online therapy in North Carolina today and give your teen additional space to recover with counseling for teens.
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Working with teens with eating disorders isn’t always straightforward, but we strive to provide helpful tips and strategies to help you create a safe space for recovery with your teen. If you’re looking for additional eating disorder treatment, we can help! Our Asheville, North Carolina counseling practice includes your eating disorder therapists Elaine and Allison who specialize in disordered eating. Currently, all of our services are offered via online therapy in North Carolina. To start your counseling journey, follow these simple steps:
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Our Asheville, North Carolina counseling practice specializes in eating disorder treatment for teens and adults. At the Asheville Eating Disorder Treatment Center, we offer counseling for teens with eating disorders, and eating disorders for adults. Through therapy, we help women overcome the guilt, shame, and stigma associated with mental health. This cycle can feel endless, but we can help you become unstuck. In addition to eating disorder treatment, we offer help for anxiety in teens and anxiety treatment for adults. Furthermore, we also offer online therapy in North Carolina for those who are not in Asheville, NC. With our online services we can help anyone in the state. You deserve to feel at peace in your body and to go about your day knowing you’re good enough. Therapy can help. We cannot wait to walk through this time with you!